Hello, my pretties,
It’s sunny and beautiful and outrageously hot but I’m suspicious. Call it a feeling or an inkling or whatever you like but I know, deep down, that the end is near. It’s only August but I can feel the cold coming. Summer is eventually going to end, maybe not this week or the week after that but you can bet your bottom dollar that the end is coming. You feel it too, I bet. It reminds me of when you’re dating someone seemingly wonderful and you suddenly encounter an enormous red flag or a full-on dealbreaker and you know from that very moment that the so-called relationship is doomed. The sun has set on your romantic encounter and all that remains are scraps of intimacy and fondness and some pretty okay memories.
People handle this dilemma in all sorts of different ways: My very stern and logical friend Pam would break it off immediately. The desperately hopeful Peter would convince himself that it’s really not as bad as he thinks and stick it out for another few months, or years. Maggie would stay out late, drink and/or smoke too much, become emotionally distant and if that didn’t work, she would cheat so that her partner would eventually end it and she wouldn’t have to. Maggie’s the worst, by the way.
Depending on whatever path you choose, the ending is basically always the same and as the self-proclaimed ‘Queen of BreakUps’, I’ve obviously had my fair share of experience with the subject matter. That’s why when my very sweet friend Olivia told me that she had recently ended her relationship with whatshisface, I immediately felt the need to spew a waterfall of breakup advice her way, bombard her with the what-not-to-dos and the I-told-you-sos, but I didn’t. It was too fresh and I could tell she was hurting too much to talk about it. The end of a relationship is awful, no matter how long you were together. It’s the ending of something special and it often feels like the door has closed on so many wonderful possibilities. When you’re in the darkness of it all, it can become very difficult to see any hint of sunshine and the inevitable, haunting question hits you hard and fast: What now? What next?
The ‘Queen of BreakUps’ can help you answer those questions, she sends her advice out into the void now for her sweet friend Olivia and so many others just like her.
Lily Hush’s Three Steps To Take After A BreakUp:
Clean House: Clear your home of all pictures, gifts and other mementos. I don’t mean to say that you should toss them all in the garbage necessarily (although there is definitely a time and a place for that) but you could give them to a friend to store for a while or hide them in your parent’s garage. Basically, do whatever you need to do to get them out of your immediate space while you try to heal. If you don’t eliminate these reminders from your life you’re bound to find yourself half-drunk one night, clutching an old birthday card and bawling your eyes out while listening to Tom Petty. Or something of that nature.
Block them: Facebook, Instagram, your phone, etc etc. I know this is a tough one but it has to be done. In most cases, this precaution isn’t taken so that your ex has no way to reach you (although there is definitely a time and a place for that,) it’s quite the opposite actually. It’s to stop your dumbass from looking through newly posted photos or obsessing about who they are seeing now or worse: drunk texting. None of this is good for your healing process and is bound to set you way, way back to a dark place where ice cream can’t even save you.
Get Out: It’s important to let yourself feel sad sometimes but you also need to know when to draw the line and get out of that funk. Have a shower. Eat a decadent brunch. Meet your Mom for coffee. Force yourself out of bed when you’d rather just hide under a blanket of cats. Hit the town with the many friends you more than likely haven’t seen in a while. As I type this, my sweet friend Olivia is heading on an incredible trip to the Meditteranean with one of her best friends. That’s what I’m talking about. Remember that you’ll be totally great without them and don’t you ever forget that love, much like summer, will inevitably come again.
As always, whether you’re single, taken or it’s complicated: I’m rooting for you.
Until next time,