Hello my pretties,
Happy One Year Anniversary, kids. That’s right, February of 2019 marks one whole year of me (Lily Hush) offering up some seriously unfounded and unsupported dating wisdom. We’ve shared and survived everything from How To Survive Being Single On St. Patrick’s Day to The Frightening Tales Of Ghosting to where we ultimately find ourselves today: yet another bloody Valentine’s Day. Ugh, barf. I wish it was Ballantine’s Day instead. Now that is a made-up holiday I can get behind.
Quick Side Note: Ballantine’s is a blended Scotch Whisky, it’s truly not at all spectacular but it is absolutely a thousand times better than Valentine’s Day*.
Valentine’s Day isn’t a favourite of many, I even know couples who consciously choose not to celebrate it due to its overly commercial feel. So often I hear, “if I love them, then I should show them everyday. I don’t need a forced, Hallmark holiday to show my love and appreciation.” I must say, I have to agree with this sentiment. That being said though, there is a type of love that sometimes needs a little push, sometimes we need the reminder to put effort into this type of love, I would even argue that it’s the most important love of all: Self Love. This February, regardless of your loving attachments or disenchantments, I want each and every one of you to give yourself a little Self Love (Yes, I’ve capitalized this concept to stress how important I believe it to be.)
According to a favourite local band of mine The Woodshed Orchestra, everybody needs love and affection, but here’s a quick spoiler alert for all of you: love, affection, kindness, encouragement and so on doesn’t necessarily have to come from someone else. In fact, relying too much on another in that way can very quickly become toxically codependent and baby, no one needs that kind of heavy baggage in their life. So often when we consider the idea of Self Love we immediately jump to some stereotypical thoughts. You know the type: a bubble bath, a spa day, Julia Roberts on top of some gorgeous building in Italy, her hair blowing in the wind and her eyes saying, “you too can love yourself, if you’re wealthy enough.”
Ok sure, these small pleasures may make you feel better but Self Love can also be simple and more specific to you. For me, staying in with some historical fiction is Self Love. For my buddy Adam, strapping on a ton of airsoft gear and running around a field with friendly acquaintances is Self Love. My friend Pam finds her Self Love in the seemingly simple act of picking up her guitar.
Taking action to do something we love can be so important but here’s a fun idea though, Self Love doesn’t have to necessarily be something we actively do. Self Love can also be achieved through the things we stop doing to ourselves and/or allow others to do to us. Sometimes loving yourself and being gentle with your heart is in the process of not doing anything at all.
So here’s Lily’s quick list of things we can stop doing to love ourselves a little more:
1) Stop chasing unattainable people or relationships. Stop chasing in general, unless you’re chasing your dreams then chase away.
2) Stop waiting around for someone else to do something you desire. Go see the movie, try the restaurant, take the trip. Being alone isn’t necessarily lonely.
3) Stop pretending it’s ok when it’s really not. This goes for everything from emotional distress to orgasms, stop pretending.
When you stop doing things that are negative or toxic for you and start doing things that you’re passionate about and make you happy then everything else seems to fall into place. Self Love attracts all kinds of positivity and growth, whether it’s related to love and relationships or not. And if you’ve learned anything from this column today, I hope it’s not.
As always, whether you’re single, taken or it’s complicated: I’m rooting for you (to fall in love with yourself.)
Until next time,
*This is a personal opinion of Lily Hush and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Sound. However, in reality, she’s probably correct.