Hello, my pretties,
It’s officially summer and things are really starting to heat up here in the Niagara Region. We’ve started to have some excruciatingly hot nights and July humidity is just around the next, moist corner. I apologize for the M word, gross. It was so hot recently that my boyfriend (Arthur) and I had a heated argument about the air conditioner. Arthur wants to conserve energy and pennies and leave it off, but I’m a selfish jerk who wanted just one cool night’s sleep where I didn’t lay there restlessly and sweat myself into a fever dream. Was that so much to ask, Arthur? Was it?
Sorry folks, I’m being over dramatic and sensationalizing everything because that’s just the kind of girl I am. Lily Hush is a tough cookie and doesn’t give in so easily, especially during a fight. This silly and now humorous argument about temperature got me thinking a lot about relationships and conflicts, and how we handle conflict with someone we love. Fighting or bickering with your partner is a completely natural and common thing. I don’t trust or believe the people who say, “I never fight with my boyfriend.” Bullshit Tina, if that’s true then I suspect that you’re probably hiding all of your ex-boyfriends in a freezer somewhere, weirdo. Arthur and I bicker about all kinds of things: from the recent AC debacle to the movie night fiasco to the much more real issues like what we’re going to eat for dinner when we’re feeling lazy. Arthur is a lover of Burger King Whoppers whereas I am more partial to A&W root beer and onion rings, these are the silly things we have to work through. Wink.
Let’s be honest and realistic though, regardless of the conflict: whether it’s a silly burger disagreement or a much more serious and emotional decision, how you handle the situation is what really matters. If you’re in a healthy and happy relationship then you are both always-already on the same side. You’re both fighting for the same thing: each other. That being said, fighting with someone you love is never easy but there are a few things that we can do as individuals that can make each fight more productive and beneficial, one that might eventually lead to some sort of compromise and growth. It’s true what the say about having to work at relationships and all we can really hope for is that we find someone who thinks we are worth the work, and vice versa. So with no further small-talk, let’s jump to the list:
Lily Hush’s 3 Moves For A Fair Fight:
Take a Break. The resolution doesn’t need to happen immediately, there is no sense in ‘beating a dead horse.’ There are times when you’ll need to pause, separate from the situation and allow yourself to organically gain some new perspective on the issue and your part within it. There’s no shame in being honest with your partner and saying, “I’m feeling emotionally drained, let’s pick this up again later.” Take a walk, eat a cupcake, paint a picture: whatever you have to do to gain some distance and clarity.
Be Nice. You love this person so why are you yelling at them? Take a breath and calmly express your side of things. Avoid blame-talking or name-calling. If things are escalated to a point where you’re starting to be cruel to one another then it’s time to return to the above point and take a break. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you love this person and even though sometimes they drive you absolutely nuts, you more than likely wouldn’t have them any other way than what they are and that’s why you love them. Hit them with a ton of feathers instead of a ton of bricks, if you know what I mean.
Stop Complaining and Start Requesting. Instead of only concentrating on the initial offence or reiterating past mistakes, ask for what you want. Instead of losing your temper and yelling, “You never do anything around here!” try instead, “I’d really appreciate it if you would consider helping me with the laundry and other housework, I can’t do everything on my own and we’re a team.” Don’t dwell on the negative behaviour, work together towards a more realistic and positive goal.
These pointers aren’t guaranteed to help you solve all of the fights you encounter with your partner but hey, maybe they’ll help you cool down and finally get that peaceful and happy night’s sleep you were hoping for. Sweet Dreams.
As always, whether you’re single, taken or it’s complicated: I’m rooting for you.
Until next time,