Hello, my pretties,
I trust you celebrated (or endured) Valentines Day. Soon we will spring forward to St. Paddy’s Day which is a grand ol’ excuse for many of us to get right twisted at one of the many (watering) holes on St. Paul Street. St. Paddy’s on St. Paul on a Sunday this year, how holy and bright. Lots of folks complain about St. Paddy’s Day. People are day-drunk by 1 pm. Brock students temporarily lose their collective mind and fancy themselves’ extras from the 1979 cult film, The Warriors. I understand it but let’s be honest, St. Paddy’s Day isn’t going anywhere. It’s an unnecessary evil in our lives, so we all just need to get over it. In a contrived and roundabout way, this mindless chitchat has conveniently brought me to my topic of the month: The Necessary Evils in Relationships. Perhaps that’s negative term, perhaps you would prefer something like ‘Relationship Hangups’ or ‘Shit You Need to Accept To Find Healthy Love.’ Take your pick, my dears, cause I’m about to rant.
My friends that are in monogamous relationships often (all the time) vent to me and I have discovered a pattern: they complain about things (Necessary Evils) in their relationships that they can never change. That’s right, it sounds silly but it’s true. I’ve narrowed down the list of Necessary Evils to 3 in total, mostly because The Sound gives me a word maximum, but I also like small lists.
1) The Ex. Unless you’ve been with your partner since grade school than it is likely that this person (or people) exists. Stop losing sleep over it, chances are they split for a reason and you’re worrying about nothing. In the off chance that something is still going on, that will always come to light in some way. I once found naked pictures of my boyfriend’s ex in an old box in our storage room (wow) so I know where the impulse to be paranoid can come from. Here’s the thing though, it’s important to stop thinking about the Ex and start evaluating how you feel about your partner. Is there a broken trust that needs work? Are you feeling secure? Maybe it’s not the Ex but something else entirely that is causing you to obsess over the past. The sooner you accept the fact that your partner has loved someone else, the healthier your relationship will be.
2) The Friends. This category is a double whammy because I hear complaints about friends in general, and then I frequently hear complaints about friends of the opposite sex. My advice for both is the same: If your partner wants to go out with their friends and play Risk or blow off some steam or see a movie, this is NOT a crime. You are not allowed to complain that your partner sees their friends or has a life (or at least a hobby) outside of the relationship. Worse still, you are not entitled to dictate whether your partner sees their friends or not. The sooner you realize how grossly controlling that behaviour is, the better. Or eventually your beloved will drop you for being obsessive and controlling and, at the end of the day, could you even blame them? No. Probably not.
3 )The Family. I can’t believe this is even on the list but yet, here we are. If I had a dollar for every complaint I hear about a mother in law or their partner’s leeching brother, I’d have several dollars. Here’s the thing, I don’t care, get over it. The family isn’t going anywhere. Your boyfriend is a real “mama’s boy?” So, you found a man that respects and loves woman, how sad for you.
I know, I’m being a tad harsh. Harsh but honest. Lily Hush will always be here to dry your tears or hold your hair but will never allow you to become this awful version of yourself. So, if you love your partner and you’re happy in your relationship, get over these necessary evils and save everyone from your complaining.
As always, whether you’re single, taken or it’s complicated: I’m rooting for you.
Until Next Time,