Hello my lovelies,
I commend you all for surviving the return of the university students AND Grape and Wine all rolled into one. Goodness, September is an interesting month, to say the least. So, let’s all do this together: Take a deep breath, hold it in and let out all the September bullshit. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but prepare yourself, for Halloween is right around the creepy corner.
It’s starting to get brisker and the dating pool is thinning, I can sense that more than a handful of you are thinking that it may be easier to stick with what you know. You put on that same-old costume, revisit that so-called spark you felt before and eventually you do the unthinkable: you re-date your ex. This month I was approached by a friend (let’s call her Margaret), to discuss whether it is wise to get back together with your ex. I found myself yelling at Margaret, “No, no, a thousand times, NO!” but then again, I thought, maybe I should do my research first. I asked a few friends and I gathered this: NO. Don’t do it (bro).
I know you’ve seen (or read) “The Notebook.” I know you think it’s romantic to get back together with an old flame. I know you think that everything will be sweet as candy and even better than before. But as you know, you can always trust me, the Queen of All Breakups, to always be honest with you and to be consistently bitter as hell. Still not convinced? I ask you this: Do you really want to dredge all that up again? Do you really want a zombie-like relationship? Do you want to be that person who just simply can’t let go?
Ok then, maybe you do.
So, let’s take a look:
Your relationship has perished. Like a rotting body in the ground: it is dead to the world. Probably dead to everyone else who watched it happen (especially the people who love you), but is it dead to you? Starting to re-date your ex is like going out into the night, armed with your shovel and digging up a very old grave. Every time you reach for that old feeling, are you spearing the earth with your unfounded hope? Every time you pull that rotten corpse from the ground, are you reanimating the problems and issues that you have probably already dealt with? Every time you have a happy, fleeting thought about that person, are you probably reliving a moment that is long since forgotten? Um, yas queen. Your old, forgotten relationship is like a decomposing zombie. It comes to life (sort of), it walks and it talks like it did before, but underneath, is it really the same? NO.
Ok fine. Maybe you’re the exception to the rule. Maybe you and your ex find each other after all of these years, you eat lobster together and you end up living happily ever after.Lucky you. But, maybe you visit that wasteland again and the spiders and creepy-crawlies of past hatred cover and inhabit your skin. Perhaps the year-long, underlying issues begin to feast on your flesh. Maybe, just maybe, you’re not as happy as your so-called “comfort and security” allowed you to believe. Digging up an old relationship comes with the ultimate question: Am I doing this again? Or am I smarter than before? My guess is that if you are still reading this column: you, like me, are not smarter than before and maybe, you shouldn’t do this to yourself again.
Your relationship died for a reason. The love and security that you felt before was probably threatened or tarnished or broken in some way or another. You felt the need, at some point, to escape this person and everyone and everything they had to offer. Your dead relationship is just that: dead. If you think, for even a tiny moment, that you can throw a ouija board at it and see something magical show up, I fear, you are sadly mistaken. This is (no longer) the partner you are looking for.
Am I being too harsh? Perhaps I don’t believe in happenstance or coincidence or whatever else these romantic comedies will have you believe.
But, maybe I’m wrong.
However, I will tell you (just like I told Margaret), RUN, run as fast as you can!!
Your ex is just that: Ex, Zilch, Nada, Nil, Zero.
Let dead bodies (and dead relationships) lie where they may.
Choose wisely, my pretties!
Whether you’re single, taken or it’s complicated: I’m rooting for you.
Until Next Time,