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Single Taken Complicated: October 2019

Single Taken Complicated: October 2019

Hello, my pretties,

The other day I was chatting with my friend Anna who is completely fed up with being single. Anna is beautiful inside and out, she’s smart and a critical thinker, she’s compassionate and funny – she’s the total package, but she just hasn’t found her special someone yet. Anna is more than serious about locating her soulmate and some might even call her a hopeless romantic. She averages about two first dates a week and is constantly putting herself out there in every possible avenue, digital or otherwise. Unlucky for Anna, all of her close friends and family members are in relationships. This leads to a few pity looks here and there, a lot of unsolicited dating advice and endless dating cliches. “I swear to god if someone says Timing is Everything to me one more time I’m going to flip out.” she groans. It definitely got me to thinking and ultimately sympathizing with her. Like really, how is that helpful? Sure, ‘timing is everything’ in retrospect but from where Anna is standing that so-called advice is about as useless as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

C’mon, when you’re as earnest about falling in love as Anna is, that sort of nonsensical dating cliche is borderline offensive and way too played out. Then it dawned on me, there are far too many dating cliches that are simply ridiculous, ultimately false, and sometimes just downright crap advice. One of my absolute favourites is “It’ll happen when you least expect it.” No kidding, Einstein. That helps me in zero ways and you’re ultimately saying what exactly? That in the end it will surprise me? Congratulations, that is essentially redundant. Where are the wise words and grandmotherly advice? I started to feel almost as frustrated as Anna and for her sake, I feel personally obligated to debunk some serious dating cliches that singles need to completely ignore and we all need to stop reiterating. Friends don’t tell friends that ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea,’ lest friends wish to be smacked. Ok, you knew the list was coming so here we go.

Lily Hush’s Top 3 Totally Bogus Cliche Dating Lies That We Need To Stop Telling Ourselves: (I think that’s my longest list title to date, by the way.)

1) Love like you’ve never been hurt. Ok let’s just be honest, that’s pretty silly. It’s like saying, “Act like you’ve never learned anything.” In my opinion, the things that have happened in my previous relationships, from the great and memorable to the painful and traumatic, have all shaped me and attributed to me being a smarter and better partner. Not to mention, it has allowed me to recognize some undesirable red flags and to reflect on what I’m bringing to the relationship. How about “Love in spite of being hurt before?” It’s worth it after all.

2) Never go to bed angry. Firstly, what if you’re like really, really tired? And secondly, I strongly disagree with this idea. In fact, I’d say the exact opposite: sleep on it. Take the time to get some distance, some clarity and hopefully an altered perspective. Sometimes you can argue yourself to death and end up talking in circles. Some sleep will give you some fresh eyes on the issue and lead to a healthier way of communicating with your partner.

3) If you can’t love me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. Ew, I really hate this one. Everyone’s ‘worst’ is different, for one person it might be leaving laundry all over the floor (I am totally guilty of this, sorry Arthur) but for some people, their ‘worst’ is actually being emotionally abusive or violent. This cliche implies that we should put up with more than we should and on the flip side, it also sounds like an excuse to behave badly or recklessly in a relationship. Not a fan. Fun fact: this is also wrongfully credited to Marilyn Monroe but she never actually said it, making this ridiculous dating cliche a double falsehood.

Whether you agree with me about the value of these dating cliches or not, I think we can all agree that your single friends probably don’t want to hear them, again. So for Anna’s sake, let’s put a stop to all the cliches like, ‘you find it when you stop looking for it’ or ‘love is blind’ (insert eye-roll here.)

As always, whether you’re single, taken or it’s complicated: I’m rooting for you.
Until next time,
Lily Hush

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