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Single Taken Complicated: Red Flags

Hello, my pretties,

It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? I’m so sorry if you have missed me, I certainly missed all of you. What a scorchingly hot summer we have endured. I hope you enjoyed every single moment. Speaking of single moments, I hope some of you fell in love this summer, or perhaps you crushed some hearts, or (hopefully) you did all of the above. As we stagger into September and eventually the Autumn months, I am reminded of the mass exodus that is about to take place in our beautiful, yet humid, region. It happens every single year, the mass exodus of single people. Suddenly, the wind picks up and there’s a briskness in the air, the days get shorter, and everyone begins to couple up. Now, it seems, is the perfect time to lock down a partner for the long, cold winter months that are inevitably ahead of us. Apparently, it’s better to couple up (and fatten up) in the winter months than it is to spend Christmas and New Year’s Eve alone. (For the record, I completely disagree with this sentiment, but more on that subject around the holiday season.)

From what I’ve learned, September is the perfect month to “test-drive” a relationship. This time-frame gives you thirty some-odd days to determine if this person is acceptable enough to meet your crazy family at Thanksgiving, and if your relationship has what it takes to last through the bitter, dark winter months. Since many of you could become part of this mass exodus, I feel the need (as I always do) to impart some wisdom upon you while you seek out your new partner and perhaps that lasting relationship. I only want the best for you and you deserve the best.

So, I took it upon myself to talk with 5 of my older (and wiser) friends about starting new relationships, and specifically what to look for in the perfect partner. It didn’t take long for me to be put in my place, told that there was no such thing as a perfect partner and that what we should be looking for in the beginning are the red flags. It sounds pessimistic and unromantic, but I suppose it’s true. I am not ashamed to say that after my last relationship ended, I sat down with a bottle of red wine and I made a list of 38 red flags that I ignored in the beginning of our courtship. I wish that was a misprint but yes, you read that correctly: 38 red flags!

My friend John has been married for several decades and he seems to explain it best, “When a new relationship begins, it’s easy and natural to only see the good in another person. We are blinded by newness, nervousness, and novelty. What we don’t see right away are all the red flags; the small glimpse into the inevitable future issues. Sure, it’s nice to only see the good in someone but it’s also very naive. These red flags are the things that we should be looking for, these are the things we should stop ignoring.” So, with the help of my vintage friends, I present to you:

THE THREE RED FLAGS YOU SHOULD NEVER IGNORE

1) Unreliable – This person cancels plans, stands you up, and/or always seems to have something better to do. This person probably doesn’t really want to see you so you should stop wasting your time. Also, beware of people who always seem to “fall asleep” when you have plans. The “fell asleep” excuse is typically code-word for “had a better option,” or “not at all interested.” Harsh, I know.

2) Temperamental – This person flies off the when the person flies off the handle at the drop of a hat, becomes angry with you over trivial things, and/or makes you feel unsafe. If you feel even the tiniest bit uneasy around this person, run. Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

3) Pleasure Seeker – This person doesn’t just like to have a beer after work or blow off some steam with their friends. This person is only motivated by seeking out pleasures. This could be seen through excessive drinking or drug use, they could be impulsive and irresponsible with money and other people’s emotions. Basically, these people will always choose the bottle, or the party, or the night out on the town over you every single time.

Choose wisely, my pretties!
Whether you’re Single, Taken or it’s Complicated: I’m rooting for you.
Until Next Time,
Lily Hush

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